Emotional--Whatever

So I really hate being the topic of my own posts, especially when I feel like I'm whining. But this emotional roller coaster is really bringing it all to my attention. First of all I love most roller coasters - unless they are the emotional kinds. I can do with out that kind of drama. Second of all lets get some perspective here...

In January 2001 my ex and I seperated, in October 2002 we divorced, my daughter was 10. No matter what the paperwork says about shared custody, I have had primary custody for most of the time, there was a very short time where it actually came close to 50/50, and it was for maybe a year - maybe. So it was me and my daughter. I didn't date, I worked. I took care of her. I tried to make sure she kept a good relationship with her Dad. I tried to maintain a good relationship with her Dad. Her Dad moved to New Mexico, then was in jail for 18 months. Even more just me and her. My parents have helped but really, when it comes down to it- I have been Mom and Dad, and because of the way I am and how I hate whining guess what else? I really suck at telling even my close friends "i'm not doing okay, I'm scared of this." add that to never truly dealing with the betrayal and rage from the situation around the divorce and guess what? I'm about one truly messed up emotional mess (or one repressed one). So where is all this leading?

To this... life is amazing sometimes, this great guy named Glenn is in love with me, and I am in love with him and he doesn't care that I'm an emotional wreak. In fact he wants to help me with it. Whats even crazier is that the human body and mind due funny things sometimes. Here is what mine is starting to do. 'hmmm, you have a partner now who is supporting you emotionally. Time to slowly start putting away the Superwomen cape' as I'm starting to learn to lean on someone else for emotional support all this 8+ years of emotional crap is starting to flood. I swear I have had more emotional breakdowns in the last 3 months than in the last 3 years.

Glenn tells me this is healthy, that my system is cleansing, I feel like a girly wuss. I have been Superwoman and Wonder Woman wrapped into one for so long, now I'm doing crazy stuff like second guessing and questioning...hmmm like a normal person. Part of me really misses my keep strong and keep going, the rest of me likes being able to call up my honey and say "what do you think?"

But the emotional waterworks need to cease post haste.