Emotional--Whatever

So I really hate being the topic of my own posts, especially when I feel like I'm whining. But this emotional roller coaster is really bringing it all to my attention. First of all I love most roller coasters - unless they are the emotional kinds. I can do with out that kind of drama. Second of all lets get some perspective here...

In January 2001 my ex and I seperated, in October 2002 we divorced, my daughter was 10. No matter what the paperwork says about shared custody, I have had primary custody for most of the time, there was a very short time where it actually came close to 50/50, and it was for maybe a year - maybe. So it was me and my daughter. I didn't date, I worked. I took care of her. I tried to make sure she kept a good relationship with her Dad. I tried to maintain a good relationship with her Dad. Her Dad moved to New Mexico, then was in jail for 18 months. Even more just me and her. My parents have helped but really, when it comes down to it- I have been Mom and Dad, and because of the way I am and how I hate whining guess what else? I really suck at telling even my close friends "i'm not doing okay, I'm scared of this." add that to never truly dealing with the betrayal and rage from the situation around the divorce and guess what? I'm about one truly messed up emotional mess (or one repressed one). So where is all this leading?

To this... life is amazing sometimes, this great guy named Glenn is in love with me, and I am in love with him and he doesn't care that I'm an emotional wreak. In fact he wants to help me with it. Whats even crazier is that the human body and mind due funny things sometimes. Here is what mine is starting to do. 'hmmm, you have a partner now who is supporting you emotionally. Time to slowly start putting away the Superwomen cape' as I'm starting to learn to lean on someone else for emotional support all this 8+ years of emotional crap is starting to flood. I swear I have had more emotional breakdowns in the last 3 months than in the last 3 years.

Glenn tells me this is healthy, that my system is cleansing, I feel like a girly wuss. I have been Superwoman and Wonder Woman wrapped into one for so long, now I'm doing crazy stuff like second guessing and questioning...hmmm like a normal person. Part of me really misses my keep strong and keep going, the rest of me likes being able to call up my honey and say "what do you think?"

But the emotional waterworks need to cease post haste.

Christmas Party with my Sweetie

Comcast Christmas Party
On December 11 Comcast in Colorado Springs held its Holiday (read Christmas) party, for the first time since I have been employed there my guest was not related to me. Although I have enjoyed taking family members this time I got to take my fiance Glenn.

This is the two of us - and the wedding isn't planned until we finish college in 1212... Merry Christmas everyone!

I Am Thankful....

I am thankful for my family. My parents, my brothers, my daughter, my son-in-law, Grandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins. Family is so important and often we forget to thank them in the rush of day to day life.

I am thankful to God for watching over us and guiding our lives, even when we are confused on the direction we are supposed to be going.

and of course I am thankful for Glenn, for patience and support, for love and understanding. I'm no picnic sometimes, but he loves me anyway.

Rae Ann

Boondock Saints II - All Saints Day Official Trailer

Are you ready for this!! I am!

the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta

The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta

From the age of 10-19 I lived in Albuquerque, so I pretty much grew up with this as a natural part of life. Then we moved to Springer, Raton and finally to Colorado. I miss the Balloons. To be sure Colorado Springs hosts the Balloon Classic, but it doesn't feel the same and there are not nearly as many balloons. This year I took the opportunity to bring Tryn and Aaron down with me and experience the Fiesta.

Tomorrow morning brings more Balloon, the Car Show, lunch with all three of my brothers at the same time and the drive home.

The Cost of Raising A Child - Sancira's MySpace Blog | My Rambling Blog

I found this on MySpace..and had to share it
The Cost of Raising A Child - Sancira's MySpace Blog | My Rambling Blog

Shared via AddThis

I Believe

No, I'm not declaring for a Pagan or Wiccan path, however the above image does pull to me though, I really like it allot. Beliefs are a very personal topic and can change over time, I remember being sure that one way was the only way. As I have gotten older I have come to many realizations at the ripe old age of 37...

I believe that you have the right to believe whatever you want. I might even want to talk to you about it and debate ideas with you. However please don't shove your beliefs down my throat.

I believe absolutely in a higher power. I know He is there, I personally choose to call Him God, sometimes I call Him Heavenly Father. You may call Him Allah, Deity or whatever you want, He is big enough to embrace all names, in the bible He called Himself IAM.

I believe in the power of energy. I have seen and felt it. I have seen amazing things happen using energy manipulation and energy comes from the earth and the universe both of which were created by God.

I believe that meditation in any form is another form of prayer.

I believe in reincarnation...but realistically...come on, we all weren't Ramses or Cleopatra. I do believe that we keep meeting up with the same souls til we get it right.

I believe that we are all connected and that the Butterfly Effect is real. What we do effects others - in that light, personal responsibility is one of the most important traits a person can possess.

I believe in Angels and Demons, and that there are other worlds, some right under our noses and just out of our sight.

I believe that any step along the path of faith is a good one - no one has all the answers, no one knows the mind of God, and that we are here to learn and grow.

I believe that Jesus Christ lived and that He was the son of God. I believe that He performed miracles and rose from the dead.

I believe that Joseph Smith saw God and received His message - that he was Gods prophet in the latter days.

I believe that the Bible is the word of God.

I believe God knows His children, and like any Father finds the best way to speak to them so that they will understand. His messages are everywhere if you listen.

No matter what your religion or lack of religion, I believe you have a right to your beliefs.